Had been stuck to my chair and both eyes fixed on the monitor screen since 8am this morning. Thanks to E-learning. Woke up before 8am just to submit our temperature online. Then proceeded with reading lecture notes/slides, completing assignments and quizzes one after another for every subject.
Upon completion, my desk was in a messy state. And I dislike it when my study desk is full of things and not in an organized manner. It just makes me feel that I'm being bombarded with a lot of stuff. What phobia do you call this?
At last, just finished clearing my desk. I feel more at ease now. There are so many tasks to be completed! Thinking about the Timed Assignments after National Day, and the BIG EXAM in October just worries me. And time flies just before we could realized it. This is the reality, we gonna accept it.
I can't deny that the devil (三章四魔) inside me is working and thus causing my confidence level to fall by a lot, yet I mustn't let all these to overload. Keep telling myself that 'If I think I can do it, I CAN & I MUST DO IT!'. This was how I made it through for 'O' Levels.
No doubt that this journey is tough, and at times, tiring, feels like giving up. And it's really demoralizing when I lack the confident to do well, don't even feel like talking about it sometimes. I would just remain silent and dazed. Although I told myself to press on, deep inside me, I was asking, "Can I really? Am I capable?" Sometimes, I do ask myself this, "Am I deceiving myself?"
When friends told me that they can tell straight from my facial expression that I'm not feeling good, I didn't believe initially for I thought I'm an optimistic person, but time changes things, and it changes people as well. Now, I couldn't disagree with them anymore...
Well, on a brighter note, this 'realization' allows me to know more about myself, especially my weaker side. I always think that I'm a strong person, even if I'm sad, I would not show it. Yet recently, I doubt so. Something is changing inside me, but I have no idea what it is..
Can you believe this - it's my first time sharing here on what exactly I'm feeling deep down.
NEVER GIVE UP, NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES!
Vital: BREAKTHROUGH!
Be confident, but not complacent.
Encouragement and guidance along the way are very important. They are my catalyst & motivation to move on!
"KEEP ON learning,
KEEP ON trying,
KEEP ON till you have turned defeat into final victory
- that is the true way of youth." ~ Daisaku Ikeda
Off to my revision and assignments ~
P.S. Deeply apologetic (once again) for this sudden emo entry, with no smiley expression.
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